missing somethings

friends
i just talked to aki on ym. haven't talked to her since heaven knows when. i just realized how much i missed her, along with other friends i don't get to see often due to busy scheds. i guess as you grow old (which i still refuse to admit), your 24 hours seem to get shorter and shorter. i try to keep in touch with people as much as i could, but i can only do so much.

drawing
i haven't drawn anything in ages. i was wrong in believing my mechanical pencil had an unlimited supply of lead. my hard drive space is too small for photoshop. i spend my time either catching up on sleep, on friends online, or on reading the 2 books LV lent me (i have a 1-month deadline on them, kinda demanding girl, don't you think? hehe). maybe its about time i put my inspiration onto paper, again.

badminton
haven't played for weeks now. how am i suppose to beat miss grace?! i just miss breaking sweats, having fun at court and gaining back all the calories after the game.

bowling
i made my all-time high during my last game, which i couldn't remember when (was it after statsoc's career talk?). i need to practice having probably 2 of the most important things in work: focus and stress.

soundtrip
i barely listen to radio these days. i have to leave home early for work. i don't have a handy fm radio with me (buying one would solve it, but i'd rather buy one with an mp3 player - which wouldn't fit my budget especially now that its summer). i also miss finding underground music with shiela (sorry ha? wala na akong mai-share na music). i got to listen to urbandub's new album while waiting for hazel last saturday after my last day at MS class. 'first of summer' really has a catchy melody - i find myself humming to it while walking to my SAS training a couple of days ago.

coffee
the last one i had was with my sister at coffee bean and tea leaf during my birthday. we had a good two and half-hour talk, something we don't usually do in the family. not really looking forward to coffee perse, but to the talks i have with people that goes along with it.

anyhow, here's the lyrics to urbandub's 'first of summer'. its not that deep, but i like it.

First of Summer
Urbandub

(chorus)
Parked car
This night sky
Makes city lights shine like diamonds
Our song plays on the radio

We're living it up
Make this night ours
We own the world
I wish this lasts forever
Alone with you tonight
Further in you feels so right
(chorus)

We're giving it up and just a little more
This heartfelt leap I surrender
With arms raised tonight.

(anywhere with you)

Drive me away
Cuz the night just feels right
Take me away with you tonight
Anywhere with you

Our song plays on
Parked car, night sky
Alone with you tonight

the duality principle and a message for broken hearts

one of the things i picked up from watching "charmed" was the mention of the universe's grand design - duality. people may find it a little crazy to believe in a notion that is formulated as part of a script made solely for entertainment purposes, but it makes sense to me. you can call me gullible, crazy even. its alright. i've been getting comments like that since i was in college.

i may just be paranoid in thinking that the amounts of happiness and sorrow around me have been re-distributed - making some people happier than usual (me included), and some people miserable...

i just couldn't find myself to be happy when i know (and feel) that the people i care about are having a rough time. it feels like a trade off. i become happier than usual - they end up with broken hearts.

crazy thought. i know.

enough geeky terms. i think i've been applying certain MS crap on regular sentences a little too much already...

the heartbreak epedemic

God has reasons for making things the way they are right now - including the pain and misery people endure (jenny, you're probably right. break-up scenarios are epedemic these days. i just wish there was a vaccine to avoid it). i trust that this pain is given to those who can handle it - probably becuase of several reasons:

they have been too happy, they forget
God has measures of reminding us of the things that matter. those who have placed their relationship, among other things, on top of everything else tend to be too happy that they forget to even say "thank you" to HIM. i don't want to sound like a preacher, but i have this theory that God takes away that which makes us forget about Him. He is, as the bible says, a jealous God.

things are going the wrong way
they say love is blind. others say that a person inlove sees the wrong things but doesn't mind. maybe there is some truth in these, but there are also some danger in it. more often than not, we don't realize we've been led astray by the very relationship we prayed that would make us "grow" to become better people in God's eyes. things have a way of ending itself whether we like it or not - either way it brings us pain and misery. we often ask why it had to happen, but the answers to questions such as this will reveal itself in due time - in God's time.

its a test
this can often be misleading...
every relationship goes though bumps, detours and flat tires - mainly to test on how much we want the relationship to continue. the challenge is, well, to not give up... atleast that's how most people view it. you can, however, view it as a test of faith - in God and His grand design for us. giving up doesn't mean failing the test. failure would be losing your faith in God's plans for you. we may not understand what's on His drawing board, but that's the challenge - trusting that His plan is far better than anything we can possibly imagine.

these are just some. i do not intend to provide people explanations as to why things happen. it a little selfish, actually - 'coz i'm probably the one using these notions as "excuses" to feel happy on my birthday. sadly (or maybe not), it didn't help me much. this year, my wish is for you guys, who have been my source of God's strength, wisdom, and courage.

you guys are put into situations becuase He has plans for you. He won't give you such pain that you can't endure. He wants two things: for you to become stronger, and for you to call out to Him. for those who know me, i don't tell people what to do or how to feel. this is just a perspective to help you see things in another light.

do i still need to mention that i'm just here? i'll do my best to become as positive as possible. afterall, the duality principle maybe governing us - meaning, there is enough positivity in the air to balance us out. we just have to see things differently... =)

note: apologies for the disorganized thoughts and incoherent sentences.

thanks

yesterday felt like Christmas...



...thanks to everyone responsible.

some new things

business talks
some business development officers from GPL just dropped by the office a couple of weeks ago and talked me into getting a life insurance, which will be on a salary deduction basis. last monday, i had a lunch meeting with haze, jenny, jolee, and two BDOs from Philam regading mutual funds, i talked my sister into it and we may invest next week. last teusday, i went to shangri-la upon jay and jack's request. she gave me a heads up that it was a business meeting that included network marketing. i figured, "hell, why not? i still have the option not to take it if i didn't want to". well, like most network marketing talks, this one had a rather nice marketing plan. i'm actually thinking of joining. good thing i don't have enough money yet - gives me time to think about it more...

calamari pizza
went to a (late) lunch out with my family at pizza hut. just knew about it this afternoon. i had two slices before my brother pointed out that it had mayo in it. guess i could eat mayo afterall...

tropical fizz
what? it looked nice in the brochure! it didn't taste as good as it looked. well, atleast my brother made the same mistake.

5-hour preparation
never thought i could pull off a report for FDA class in 5 hours since college. yeah i took thursday off from work but that was to understand my topic. i did the actualy report at around 1am last saturday. felt a friend needed me, so i stayed a little while longer and prayed to God i could pull it off.

hope for more new things to come. new things are good. i like new things...

the last three days (late entry)

Note: this post is 2 days late. yun lang. ;p

My Friday night was rather fun (not kinky fun, as vinz would put it). I went to this acoustic bar along kamias and kalayaan avenue with LV after work. It was sponsored by her church. It was rather relaxing, not to mention I got to reflect a little on certain life lessons. I didn’t notice time passing as I got to know LV and the other members of her church – their enthusiasm to serve God and spread the Good News. I’ve never seen people with such enthusiasm and passion – it kinda made me think of the things I feel passion for. We left the bar at around 12:30am. I got a cab and dropped LV and her friend, apple, to their homes before heading to sm north. I reached home at around 2am, checked my e-mails, and then went to sleep an hour after. It was an enlightening experience, and an eye-opener of sorts. I think I owe God a “thank you” for giving me the answers to some of my questions. I still some more (yes, I’m a doubtful, questioning child. I know), but I guess it will all be answered in God’s time.

One of the weirdest things happened this weekend – our PC was vacated. Now that’s something you don’t see everyday. With my siblings’ semi-addiction to warcraft dota, and my sister’s never-ending computer projects, I never thought seeing the PC turned off at 1 in the afternoon was even possible.

I could have done something worthwhile with the PC that time – maybe visit the site sir tolits wanted us to visit for our report (which, by the way, is due on Saturday. I haven’t even read the chapter I’m suppose to report. Good luck), or even check the contents of the data I have for a “racket” with my former boss from econ (I can’t remember what I was suppose to do. It was 3 months ago. I thought she’d forgotten about it). But NO… instead I allowed my brothers to play for almost the whole 2 days. I only checked my usual sites and e-mails.

Sir tolits had a meeting so he had to cut the class discussion short. We were dismissed at around 2:30. We’ll start class next week at 10:30am. It’ll be a marathon of reports – and it’ll be our 2nd exam. Too bad I had to cancel my mountain trek on Saturday. Gusto ko pa namang mamundok… oh well.

I decided to finally buy myself a mug for office. Don’t wanna wash my own glass ad utensils anymore, so there. Also bought myself a couple of pairs of boxer briefs – just out of curiosity (they actually feel a lot comfy than briefs and boxer shorts). Also met up with Winnie. She was cool enough to tag along as I look for a new polo to wear. We almost scouted every possible stall, but to no avail. After giving up, we decided to go grab some waffles and coffee. We would have gone to mocha blends but it was close to the entertainment plaza – where sam milby was about to perform. We ended up on the other side of the mall, sipping through a couple of frappuccinos (mind the spelling) while we discuss what’s inside her head. She’s as crazy as ever – I can’t help but laugh. For a moment I saw the makulit side of her – the one that didn’t seem bitchy, but rather helpless. She just needed someone to talk to – I was just glad she felt light after our talk. We left sm marilao at around 6pm. if I didn’t have work the next day, we would’ve probably gone to a bar or someplace to hang out.

That’s about it for my weekend. This week’s gonna be great. (right haze?). Oh, and happy birthday to my dad. You’re the best dad ever. =)

things i want to say to people: partII

Let’s just not name them shall we? Please allow me this amount of anonymity.

I don’t know if I’m going to be happy or sad in what I just discovered last weekend. I’m going to take that as a brave move on your part. I hope everything I said finally came through to you – that things happen for a reason, and sometimes the only way to help someone is to leave them. I pray that you would have God’s wisdom and be filled with enlightenment rather than more hatred towards the world. As for me, I may not be able to overcome this guilty feeling – not in the near future, but I’m getting there. I did say before that love isn’t for me, but I guess I was just too afraid to try again.
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You’ve changed – maybe not totally but at least there is, from where I’m standing. I guess an apology would be in order, but I know that’s too mushy. Looks like you’ve been influenced by the same evil force that told me to look after no one but thyself. We are in a harsh corporate world after all. And perhaps there are broken fences we can’t fix, but I guess we’ll have to see if the latter part of that statement is true. For now, just have a nice life, pal.
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You sure know how to hide your emotions. I couldn’t even see a trace of being lost on your face when I last saw you. I think I have to give credit to myself as well for acting like I don’t know anything. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to your significant other, as if i was appointed by somebody to be your defense lawyer or something. Playing shrink gets tougher and tougher when you deal with a person who gets crazier by the minute (no offense to the girl). It’s like going back to highschool – not that I don’t like playing adviser. I just find it weird that people come to me for advice when I can’t even get myself into a relationship. Oh well, I hope you guys could still fix things. As she said, “…stop your odyssey, come home to greece…”
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C’mon, you know your guy better than anyone else. And you also know that he needs time and space to think – to figure out where he really is. I’m not the one who will tell you what to do. That’s just not my style. I can only give perspectives on things. I don’t want you to go blaming other people (namely me), for actions you’ve done – not that you’re going to, but let’s just avoid by not telling other people what and what not to do. Patience is a virtue – yeah, cliché, i know... and I don’t really believe it much. But it’s something you can hold on to. for the meantime, just wait, and do what you have to do while you wait for God’s grand design to unfold.
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I have always looked up to you. I thought you were invincible, but I was wrong. And I feel bad to know what has happened to you. In the 23 years of my existence, I’ve only gotten to see a different side of you just recently. I wanted to do something to make it all better – I guess that’s just how I am. I just don’t like seeing you pretending that everything is alright and know that deep down, it’s not. You never deserve to be treated the way you were. I pray things will get better. I still look up to you.
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I never thought I’d be drained again after my short-lived romantic relationship, but this time I don’t seem to mind it too much – perhaps because I’m not the one in the picture. I could be all self-righteous and tell you to stop your madness, but who am I to tell you that – a friend? Perhaps, but we all know love (if it really is what you feel) is beyond logic and anything anyone would say will only be meaningless. I did try, but in the end, you’ll be the one calling the shots. Anyway, good luck. Just know that I’m here, ready to slap you with reality checks. Just don’t be the brat that you are and listen to me, okay?
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Are you becoming a hassle? Nah. Did I ever have that feeling that I woke up one day and realized I didn’t love a person? Yeah. Did I ever want a ‘real relationship’ – one that provides security, warmth, and happiness? Don’t we all want that? But like I’ve told you, it’s not a one-way street. You can’t expect something to be given to you and don’t give anything in return. You want a serious relationship? Be serious. You give some, you get some (no pun intended, hehe). I still can’t believe you’re one of the people who think I know things – especially on relationships, but thanks for the trust, even if we haven’t seen each other.
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Last Saturday’s talk just made you the third (unlikely) person God sent to give some words of wisdom from the bible – not to mention a crash course on roman history and the political situation of the country. I guess that makes me lucky. You’ve given me some enlightening thoughts, but I did sense a hint of… I don’t know, over-passion maybe? Being passionate about something is good – even an admirable trait, but sometimes we have to respect other people’s values and principles. It’s not apathy, it’s more of respect. Disappointments happen when we expect too much from people. I don’t know if it’s better if we didn’t expect anything from anyone, but making it an accessory in any relationship will only bring disharmony among you. I respect your views and principles, but think about what I said.
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Okay, I need to stop myself for a while. My last experience of being “swept away” didn’t really turn out quite alright. I need to take better care of myself this time. But I am happy to have had a chance to spend time with you, even if it’s just for a while. I’ve mentioned you somewhere here before, so I guess a “thank you” would be enough for now. I hope I can get to know more about you in the coming days, and I hope you’d inspire me to be the person I want to be, the person God wants me to be…
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and for the obvious question, the answer is NO.

weird week

i think my wallet died this week…

while people wait ‘til friday to go out on gimmicks, i wait ‘til friday to get some rest…

by some weird force of nature, jiena managed to talk me into having dinner with vinz and joy over at château verde after class last monday. my wallet certainly wasn’t ready for it, so I just ordered the cheapest meal (well, not really the cheapest, but you get my point). food was great (it should. ang mahal eh), and we all know food is one of life's simple joys. hehe. we stayed there ‘til around past 9pm, i think…

i was supposed to go play badminton last tuesday, but like last week i was denied. fate didn’t want me to get better at badminton =(. apparently there were some misunderstanding in the reservations of the court, so jenny and i decided go all-carbo and calories and had dinner over at kfc with vinz. we talked about the significant and not-so-significant stuff while having coffee over at starbucks. jiena joined us after a while. we had fun talking over nothing. we left at around past 10pm, i think…

my wednesday work day ended up earlier than usual when i had to go to the SAS forum at 1pm. saw some familiar faces from my college days and had the chance to catch up. the forum was quite fun, though i didn’t get to be on the talks i wanted to attend to. i had the option to go home early but jenny asked if i could met her at citibank. it turned out vinz and the others were going to meet her as well. we had dinner over at teriyaki boy, just a few blocks away from mandarin hotel. its nice to have dinners like that again. we left makati at around past 8pm, i think…

thursday was supposed to be the time i can go home a little earlier than usual, but i was wrong , dead wrong. LV invited me to go see narnia over at UP film center. i wanted to see that movie but didn’t get the chance to do so when it was still shown. heck i can’t even remember what a movie house looks like. i headed to film center after class to wait for LV, who was just on her way that time. i even skipped dinner thinking i was the one running late. the movie was great, plus i got to see it with a cute and sweet girl (anne, please be quiet. thanks. ;p) and i found out that it was a representation based on a true story. at the end of the movie, there was an explanation on how the story was similar to that of Christ. a great movie, a sweet girl, and some enlightening words from the bible – i may have gotten home at around midnight (i think), but i was smiling on my way home. it was rather worth it…

and now here i am, typing as i ‘babysit’ some SAS people who are working beyond office hours (i’m tempted to file this as OT, but i’m really not doing anything, just waiting for them to finish, so i’ll let this one slide…). i personally don’t mind, really. for some strange reason i feel comfortable with them. weird thing is that i don’t have any plans on a friday when i should, like most people, i think…

oh well, guess i’m weirder than most people afterall, hehe. hopefully the sandman pours a sack of sand on me during the weekend. i certainly don’t want to wake up at 6am on a saturday.

summer longing

kinda mushy for a "wala lang" post...

excited na ko for summer, already bought myself a new hawaiian (is that how its spelled?) shirt, and white summer pants (na parang lampin and tela. yun nga lang medyo manipis, but its okay. presko. hehe).

still need, no, want blue to purple/yellow shades with circular frames, a plain white shirt, white flipflops, and a white fisherman's cap. (no, i'm not trying to be one of the backstreet boys. hehe)

for some reason, i wanna wear white stuff lately... maybe for a change. palagi na lang kasing dark colors eh...

badminton scenarios

frustrating that i've been losing for some time now... but atleast i get some workout...

played badminton with jenny, jiena and her officemates when i was in stress mode due to my applied multivar report. i forgot the last time i played...

played badminton with raoul, jacque and her accenture friends the week after my game with jiena & officemates. raoul has been playing everyday at lunchtime. he's better now than he was then...

played badminton with miss grace of SAS just this tuesday. damn she's good, so good its frustrating... hendry of SAS was good, too. i felt discontent with my current skills. i feel like buying myself a whole badminton gear and practice like crazy until i get to their level and beat them (hehe. competitive) i promised miss grace i'd beat her in our next game. goodluck to me...

was supposed to play badminton last wednesday. unfortunately, the courts blacked out. i was soaking wet, with rain water, not with sweat. i was looking forward to it pa naman... oh well.

played badminton with jacque's group yesterday. vinz was there too. i didn't win a single game. frustrating, but not as frustrating as knowing your playmates (miss grace and hendry) are in a compleately different level than you are...

will have another game this coming tuesday with jiena's group. hopefully i could come early to have more playtime...

will have another game this coming wednesday with jacque's group. i'm gonna get even for not having won any game the last time...

will probably have another game with miss grace on tuesday after this week. though the sched isn't final, i'm looking forward to atleast redeem myself from a rather horrible game i had with them...

disclaimer: hindi ako adik... atleast not yet... ;p and i like this regular badminton thing... it keeps me de-stressed.

some social thoughts

let’s try to be a little socially aware, shall we?

last week’s string of events would probably bring back memories of the first EDSA revolution (if i was already aware of it back then, which I wasn’t because I was just 4 years old back then) – tanks at every checkpoint, the yellow rally, the take over of a newspaper publishing house, relief of certain military officers, the declaration of the state of national emergency. Call it lack of love for country or apathy or lack of sense of nationalism, but this is sick… really. other people would probably share the same sentiment.

The EDSA Celebration
i personally don’t want to celebrate EDSA watching the T.V. coverage of pointless rallies, destabilization plots against the government, and conflicts within the ranks of the military. it’s disappointing that after 20 years we haven’t learned anything. democracy is misused and is viewed in a very twisted sense. it entails a great sense of responsibility. there’s nothing wrong with celebrating EDSA. we should remember such a historical moment where the country acted as one in overthrowing tyranny in the nation. But to “celebrate” it with banners and cries for the president’s resignation without an alternative is just plain bullshit. sometimes i think that there really are filipinos who are determined to make the country suffer, who are happy with the nation’s pathetic state.

The Media
hands down to all the reporters who risk their lives to deliver the news and inform the people of the latest happenings here and around the globe (sounds like a stolen line from a T.V. station’s news and current affairs commercial), but i think it’s a little too much information, not to mention exaggerated.

i appreciate knowledge of what’s been happening, but there are things that are better left unaired – issues that can be resolved internally by parties involved, issues that are rather irrelevant and shouldn’t be given much importance, issues that don’t deserve media exposure. please don’t cry suppression of press freedom when the military or the government asks you not to air certain events. they have their reasons to ask you such a request. logic and love for country would dictate you which events should be covered and which shouldn’t. freedom and responsibility go together. please be more responsible. not everything is for public consumption. and stop exaggerating. please.

The State of National Emergency
i dunno how the president came up with this. i probably should read the constitution or something… but i felt the declaration was a reaction due to fear of being overthrown. it’s funny when you think about it – she came to power by means of EDSA, and now the same forces are working to throw her out of the seat. how idiotic is the filipino people? i’m not in any political affiliations whatsoever, i have no interest in that. all i’m saying is that you reap what you sow. you put her to power, because you think/felt she would make a better leader than erap. now, deal with it. you can’t keep replacing the president by means of revolution, then throw him/her out when nothing’s happening. that’s a very twisted way of using democracy, and a perfect example of lack of responsibility. the government can’t make miracles, it needs cooperation from people. now stop complaining and do your part – study hard, work, pay your taxes, vote, and be aware.

let’s just pray it all ends quickly. and sorry for the incoherent thoughts, if there are any, which i feel there is... uhm... well… yeah. meanwhile, stay tuned…