current mood: bittersweet ---> if you can call this a mood
the bitter part:
i am drained to the core by simply doing nothing at all. this "long vacation" is starting to get to my nerves... but i can't find it in me to have atleast an ounce of motivation to look for a job, probably because i know i'm gonna be busy come november... still it's not an excuse...
my inspiration has ran off somewhere, and i can't seem to find it. its actually weird... i'm supposed to be inspired, but its not the case... anyway, i maybe thinking too much...
i miss my freinds terribly. i was supposed to go badminton last saturday. i'm supposed to go to baguio. but circumstances won't allow me. i'm trying to save for my tuition. my other activities create conflict. and even if i DO set an activity, chances of it pushing through would be low. people just have separate lives now, and you can't demand time from them. there's really nothing wrong with it - its just sad...
the sweet part:
i still don't get the hang of having a relationship... but its actually a nice feeling. aside from the conflicts and some other stuff, i think i'm doing rather well... maybe a lot better than my last relationship. i think all the conflicts are expected. God must have been pretty confident to give me someone as difficult as sarah. our differences are clear... and everything in me is being tested everytime we try to discuss our conflicts. sadly, it doesn't seem to help us create a solution... i'm actually tired, and its only barely 2 weeks. i never thought having a relationship can be this tiring - entailing a lot of work, time and patience. how come i don't see the same problem in other couples? how come they seem to carry it pretty well?
*sigh* questions... questions...
i can't say that i need a break. i'm already having it. still i feel like i need to do something during this break...
Monday, October 17, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
after a year of blogging...
funny... its been a year since i started writing my thoughts... hehe.
major changes
a week ago, my sister celebrated her 25th birthday. we had lunch over at max's. it was fun as usual, with my mom and siblings joking around while eating. my brother suddenly pulled out his phone (which is now non-exsistent by the way, thanks to that particular species of humans called "snatchers"), and showed his newly downloaded "tarot card fortune telling" feature. each one tried asking his phone on certain aspects of our lives (asking a phone about the future - how lame is that? but it was fun, nonetheless). when my turn was up, the tarot cards told me that a major change will occur in my life, and i wouldn't be ready for it. it will be hard, but it will surely make me better in the end. i went for a second try, i got the same results...
and now, i'm taking a master's degree in november, i have this relationship with sarah, and i'm gonna have a job soon enough... talk about freaky... makes me wonder if i can handle all of it.
nostalgia while cleaning
i was feleing a little hyper the other day, so i decided i'd clean my room (which took me all day 'coz my room is like the house's dressing room/stock room). i got a hold of my boxes of memories, as i call it, and read some of my letters from people from HS and college. i have two boxes already, filled with gifts, old pictures, letter, memiors and other sentimental stuff (geez, had not i stopped i would probably have to buy myself a treasure chest). read some the letters, even found the one sarah sent me 5 years ago. it was nice to know that i had/have people in my life who touched me one way or another... (wait, that didn't sound right....) probably wasted an hour or two on it.
after a year
guess my boss was right. writing the important things in your life and reading them after sometime makes you realize and know yourself better. though you undergo changes and you adjust everyday with every people you meet, you'll only notice it when you have something to look back at... needless to say, my life can still relate much to this song. (damnit, i can't find this song anywhere. i can't add it to my friendster page. *sigh*)
mad season
matchbox twenty
i feel stupid - but i know it won't last for long
i've been guessing, and i could've been guessin' wrong
you don't know me now
i kinda thought that you should somehow
does that whole mad season got you down
i feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes
i've been changing, i think it's funny how no one knows
we don't talk about
the little things that we do without
when that whole mad season comes around
so why you gotta stand there
looking like the answer now
it seems to me - you'd come around
i need you now
do you think you can cope
you figured me out - i'm lost and i'm hopeless
i'm bleeding and broken - though i've never spoken
i come undone - in this mad season
i feel stupid - but i think i been catchin' on
i feel ugly - but i know i still turn you on
you've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
will that whole mad season knock you down
so are you gonna stand there
or are you gonna help me out
we need to be together now
i need you now
do you think you can cope
you figured me out that i'm lost and i'm hopeless
i'm bleeding and broken - though i've never spoken
i come undone - in this mad season
now i'm cryin' - isn't that what you want
and i'm tryin' to live my life on my own
but i won't
at times - i do believe i am strong
so someone tell me why, why, why
do i, i, i feel stupid
and i came undone
i come undone
yeah, i need you now
do you think you can cope
you figured me out - i'm a child and i'm hopeless
i'm bleeding and broken - though i've never spoken
i come undone, oh i come undone
this mad season
this mad season
it beens a mad season
major changes
a week ago, my sister celebrated her 25th birthday. we had lunch over at max's. it was fun as usual, with my mom and siblings joking around while eating. my brother suddenly pulled out his phone (which is now non-exsistent by the way, thanks to that particular species of humans called "snatchers"), and showed his newly downloaded "tarot card fortune telling" feature. each one tried asking his phone on certain aspects of our lives (asking a phone about the future - how lame is that? but it was fun, nonetheless). when my turn was up, the tarot cards told me that a major change will occur in my life, and i wouldn't be ready for it. it will be hard, but it will surely make me better in the end. i went for a second try, i got the same results...
and now, i'm taking a master's degree in november, i have this relationship with sarah, and i'm gonna have a job soon enough... talk about freaky... makes me wonder if i can handle all of it.
nostalgia while cleaning
i was feleing a little hyper the other day, so i decided i'd clean my room (which took me all day 'coz my room is like the house's dressing room/stock room). i got a hold of my boxes of memories, as i call it, and read some of my letters from people from HS and college. i have two boxes already, filled with gifts, old pictures, letter, memiors and other sentimental stuff (geez, had not i stopped i would probably have to buy myself a treasure chest). read some the letters, even found the one sarah sent me 5 years ago. it was nice to know that i had/have people in my life who touched me one way or another... (wait, that didn't sound right....) probably wasted an hour or two on it.
after a year
guess my boss was right. writing the important things in your life and reading them after sometime makes you realize and know yourself better. though you undergo changes and you adjust everyday with every people you meet, you'll only notice it when you have something to look back at... needless to say, my life can still relate much to this song. (damnit, i can't find this song anywhere. i can't add it to my friendster page. *sigh*)
mad season
matchbox twenty
i feel stupid - but i know it won't last for long
i've been guessing, and i could've been guessin' wrong
you don't know me now
i kinda thought that you should somehow
does that whole mad season got you down
i feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes
i've been changing, i think it's funny how no one knows
we don't talk about
the little things that we do without
when that whole mad season comes around
so why you gotta stand there
looking like the answer now
it seems to me - you'd come around
i need you now
do you think you can cope
you figured me out - i'm lost and i'm hopeless
i'm bleeding and broken - though i've never spoken
i come undone - in this mad season
i feel stupid - but i think i been catchin' on
i feel ugly - but i know i still turn you on
you've grown colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around
will that whole mad season knock you down
so are you gonna stand there
or are you gonna help me out
we need to be together now
i need you now
do you think you can cope
you figured me out that i'm lost and i'm hopeless
i'm bleeding and broken - though i've never spoken
i come undone - in this mad season
now i'm cryin' - isn't that what you want
and i'm tryin' to live my life on my own
but i won't
at times - i do believe i am strong
so someone tell me why, why, why
do i, i, i feel stupid
and i came undone
i come undone
yeah, i need you now
do you think you can cope
you figured me out - i'm a child and i'm hopeless
i'm bleeding and broken - though i've never spoken
i come undone, oh i come undone
this mad season
this mad season
it beens a mad season
Saturday, October 01, 2005
about that Yspeak episode
yeah, yeah i know this is almost a week delayed but hey, better late than never, yes? ;p
Yspeak had "love and relationship" as topic for their first year anniversary. ryan and bianca weren't the hosts, but rather the panelists that day. it was definitely a good watch, 'coz now i'm gonna hear a lot of sense from ryan and bianca.
funny as it seems, i took down notes on some points they made. (actually, jenny told me to kasi di sya nakapanood. hehe). some of the points are as follows:
1. a relationship shouldn't be based on NEED.
- correct. one should be a complete person before entering a relationship. you don't (and shouldn't) enter a relationship because you're needy. in relationships, what matters is what you give, not what you can get from it. makes me think about that "finding a person who will complete you" thing. it sounds like crap now.
2. if something good is happening, value it.
- correct. good things are gifts from God. sometimes we are too often precautious and afraid that "one good thing today" would mean "one bad thing tomorrow". often times we tend to over-analyze, or on the opposite end - take it for granted. i would sound like a happy-go-lucky bastard, but enjoying things as they come and not worrying too much about it is one way of being happy. it also scares away bad dreams. hehe.
3. expectations are the worst accessories in a relationship.
- correct. i sometimes wonder if one has the right to expect anything from someone close to him/her. perhaps people do have that right, but it doesn't mean they have to use that right to expect anything from anyone. when the expectation isn't met, it would only lead to disappointment, and could potentially damage whatever it is you have. expecting less would make one happier.
4. there are noe accidents in God's plan.
- correct. though its really hard to trust that God has great plans for you, still you have to believe that there are reasons for everything. God wants the best for all of us, and our plans couldn't be any grander than wha He has in store for us. you just have to have faith...
5. pressure will only lead to undesirable results.
- except maybe in the formation of diamonds. hehe. being single isn't a sin nor a crime. its alright. love finds you, not the other way around. you just have to wait for it to hit you, and while you wait, enjoy the time of waiting.
there. i would post my ym conversation with jenny, but i figured i'd do that some other time...
Yspeak had "love and relationship" as topic for their first year anniversary. ryan and bianca weren't the hosts, but rather the panelists that day. it was definitely a good watch, 'coz now i'm gonna hear a lot of sense from ryan and bianca.
funny as it seems, i took down notes on some points they made. (actually, jenny told me to kasi di sya nakapanood. hehe). some of the points are as follows:
1. a relationship shouldn't be based on NEED.
- correct. one should be a complete person before entering a relationship. you don't (and shouldn't) enter a relationship because you're needy. in relationships, what matters is what you give, not what you can get from it. makes me think about that "finding a person who will complete you" thing. it sounds like crap now.
2. if something good is happening, value it.
- correct. good things are gifts from God. sometimes we are too often precautious and afraid that "one good thing today" would mean "one bad thing tomorrow". often times we tend to over-analyze, or on the opposite end - take it for granted. i would sound like a happy-go-lucky bastard, but enjoying things as they come and not worrying too much about it is one way of being happy. it also scares away bad dreams. hehe.
3. expectations are the worst accessories in a relationship.
- correct. i sometimes wonder if one has the right to expect anything from someone close to him/her. perhaps people do have that right, but it doesn't mean they have to use that right to expect anything from anyone. when the expectation isn't met, it would only lead to disappointment, and could potentially damage whatever it is you have. expecting less would make one happier.
4. there are noe accidents in God's plan.
- correct. though its really hard to trust that God has great plans for you, still you have to believe that there are reasons for everything. God wants the best for all of us, and our plans couldn't be any grander than wha He has in store for us. you just have to have faith...
5. pressure will only lead to undesirable results.
- except maybe in the formation of diamonds. hehe. being single isn't a sin nor a crime. its alright. love finds you, not the other way around. you just have to wait for it to hit you, and while you wait, enjoy the time of waiting.
there. i would post my ym conversation with jenny, but i figured i'd do that some other time...
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