expecting too much will lead to disappointment...
i should have known better...
i think not staying for coffee was a good move, for 4 reasons:
1. i didn't have to spend a hundred bucks for something i can consume in 5 minutes - i only had 300 bucks left in my wallet and i still have things to pay. the thought of having coffee with friends is good, but it was the thought of not having any money left in my wallet that pushed me to say NO. besides, i didn't feel like spending on coffee that time.
2. i didn't have to treat cham to coffee - being the poor boy that i was, i couldn't afford buying coffee for myself. much less treat cham to coffee. yes i did make a promise that i would, but i was broke. what was i to do? rob a bank? i did say i owe her coffee, dunno if i'm gonna keep it though... this whole "keeping a promise" and "staying true to my word" thing is getting harder and harder to apply...
3. i didn't have to endure seein cham and her boyfriend for the rest of the night - and i thought bringing a date along was just a bluff... but NO. i have nothing against toff. really, i don't. what i can't take is the sight of them together. cham had a vacant seat beside her, but i didn't go for it. glad that i didn't. i had a fun time talking to my side of the arrangement. for the first time i enjoyed talking to lesther, i have no idea why. all i know is that i got to avoid that jealous thought of them together while i dine with them.
4. i got to work on my project - jaggermain is finished. i'll work on siberia next. i enjoyed having to draw and color them and stare at them for hours after i've finished them. had i stayed, i would be too lazy to get up and draw.
now dinner was fun. really, it was. i just didn't feel all too excited.
oh well...
Monday, January 10, 2005
Friday, January 07, 2005
this week dragged on forever
no better way to describe it...
first week of 2005 and i'm bored to the bones --> come to think of it, i'm always bored... how many bored entries have i placed here? gald i got some excitement early mornin' when my boss gives me something to do and deadline to go with it. ^_^
deviant inspiration
i'm becoming more and more inspired to make art. i wish deviantart would stay for a looong time. i'm actually thinking of making graphics design a career. though my skills are still minimal, i'm enjoying learning new things from other artists.
been talking to my HS barkada about this new-found enthusiasm. thanks to him i'm making good use of my time and energy. and i get to draw again. too bad i dunno how to post them here. anyhow, i'm gonna have to ask around how to do it. fr the meantime, i can only put the link here. if anyone happens to read this, feel free to visit my gallery.^_^
note: now you might think i'm sort of anime freak or childish for having cartoons for artworks. its fine if you think i am. i know more people who spend their lives on anime. they even know certain characters' bloodtypes. i'm not that fanatic. so there.
childish? you could say that too. but i think everybody else has a child inside them. mine just so happens to like cartoons a lot he wants to draw them.
new year's dinner
gonna meet up with college friends tomorrow for dinner. geez, i wonder what'll happen there. the last time i saw them was december 18. now that was fun. ate dinner @ gerry's grill in glorietta, then had coffee and laughter @ starbucks until around 1:30 in the morning. though going home was a bit of a hassle, i'm used to it. this time its gonna be @ cravings in shangri-la --> geez, i'm dining at restos like these now...?! ah, the perks of having your own money. hehe. flooding emails is fun too, but it seems like people are doing their own business and no one's in the "kwento" mood. oh well...
i hope tomorrow would be fun. i also hope i get to finish my art project so i can upload it in my gallery.
that's enough for today...
first week of 2005 and i'm bored to the bones --> come to think of it, i'm always bored... how many bored entries have i placed here? gald i got some excitement early mornin' when my boss gives me something to do and deadline to go with it. ^_^
deviant inspiration
i'm becoming more and more inspired to make art. i wish deviantart would stay for a looong time. i'm actually thinking of making graphics design a career. though my skills are still minimal, i'm enjoying learning new things from other artists.
been talking to my HS barkada about this new-found enthusiasm. thanks to him i'm making good use of my time and energy. and i get to draw again. too bad i dunno how to post them here. anyhow, i'm gonna have to ask around how to do it. fr the meantime, i can only put the link here. if anyone happens to read this, feel free to visit my gallery.^_^
note: now you might think i'm sort of anime freak or childish for having cartoons for artworks. its fine if you think i am. i know more people who spend their lives on anime. they even know certain characters' bloodtypes. i'm not that fanatic. so there.
childish? you could say that too. but i think everybody else has a child inside them. mine just so happens to like cartoons a lot he wants to draw them.
new year's dinner
gonna meet up with college friends tomorrow for dinner. geez, i wonder what'll happen there. the last time i saw them was december 18. now that was fun. ate dinner @ gerry's grill in glorietta, then had coffee and laughter @ starbucks until around 1:30 in the morning. though going home was a bit of a hassle, i'm used to it. this time its gonna be @ cravings in shangri-la --> geez, i'm dining at restos like these now...?! ah, the perks of having your own money. hehe. flooding emails is fun too, but it seems like people are doing their own business and no one's in the "kwento" mood. oh well...
i hope tomorrow would be fun. i also hope i get to finish my art project so i can upload it in my gallery.
that's enough for today...
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
i'm at it again...
first entry for the year...
for crying out loud, its 2005. i should be doing something new...
speaking of new year, maybe i'll post my resolutions instead of babling about another sad thought...
1) learn how to say NO - realize that even superman can't save everyone in the world... while he battle lex luthor, at some dark alley someone is being mugged or raped or whatever, and he can't do anything to help. you can't fullfil every favor that's presented to you. and you don't have to say yes if you don't feel like it, or if you don't have the means to live up to that yes.
2) save up - ok. i know you're doing this one since you got your new job, but save more. i know you wanted to enjoy the fruits of your labor but you also have financial reponsibilities now, like it or not. it doesn't mean you can't enjoy your money anymore, it just means you should watch where your money goes.
3) plan your 2 years - you're gonna be 23 in a matter of months, still you have no direction. i'm not forcing you to have one. you know that. but you also feel that discomfort of not knowing where to go when this project ends. trust me, i'm saying this to wake you up and make up your mind. you seem to be enjoying your new hobby. that's good, but you can't make a job out of it, yet. maybe sometime in the future, but not now. take up higher education, get into a stable job. keep your hobby. invest.
4) be happier - i'm not fully convinced that you really are happy, but if you are, don't stop there. be happier. i get less frequent headaches and sleeping disorders when you enjoy life. go out, but don't spend too much. talk to your friends. let them know how you feel.
5) move on - ok, i think this one's inevitable. though i believe that you've accpeted the fact that cham's with another guy and she's happy, you're still hurting from it. i understand that accpetance doesn't guarantee the heart a break from pain. and i know you want to keep her around as a friend, but from where i'm standing, its not very healthy for you. you won't be able to look at anyone else and even if you do find someone, you know inside that its still going to be cham. c'mon, have some courage to say goodbye to a good friend. i know you don't want to. i don't want to either. but i think you can't move on if she's still in your life. ofcourse walking away from her would mean drifting away from friends. think about it. you can only hurt so much. having said that, i'm actually proud that you managed to keep it together and endure this much pain, especially now that she's very close to you. you really are strong. but strength, like any other thing in this world, has its limit.
6) have patience - now you've bumped into some people who think you don't have this. take it to consideration. maybe they're right. afterall, when you feel like unleashing hell upon the world because of some lame-ass who ruined your day, you can always write it here.
7) trust people - i know this is hard for you, but you have to. you've been robbed 11k of your hard-earned money by some pathetic asshole ex-con, and looks like your highschool teacher wouldn't be paying you the 2k she borrowed anytime soon, but you should trust people still. not everyone are like them. not everyone are liars.
8) have reality checks every now and then - reflect on how you've lived you life. how you spent the day or the week, and promise to do better. do it at least once, even for an hour or so.
rough start for the year, actually, hope things will get better soon.
for crying out loud, its 2005. i should be doing something new...
speaking of new year, maybe i'll post my resolutions instead of babling about another sad thought...
1) learn how to say NO - realize that even superman can't save everyone in the world... while he battle lex luthor, at some dark alley someone is being mugged or raped or whatever, and he can't do anything to help. you can't fullfil every favor that's presented to you. and you don't have to say yes if you don't feel like it, or if you don't have the means to live up to that yes.
2) save up - ok. i know you're doing this one since you got your new job, but save more. i know you wanted to enjoy the fruits of your labor but you also have financial reponsibilities now, like it or not. it doesn't mean you can't enjoy your money anymore, it just means you should watch where your money goes.
3) plan your 2 years - you're gonna be 23 in a matter of months, still you have no direction. i'm not forcing you to have one. you know that. but you also feel that discomfort of not knowing where to go when this project ends. trust me, i'm saying this to wake you up and make up your mind. you seem to be enjoying your new hobby. that's good, but you can't make a job out of it, yet. maybe sometime in the future, but not now. take up higher education, get into a stable job. keep your hobby. invest.
4) be happier - i'm not fully convinced that you really are happy, but if you are, don't stop there. be happier. i get less frequent headaches and sleeping disorders when you enjoy life. go out, but don't spend too much. talk to your friends. let them know how you feel.
5) move on - ok, i think this one's inevitable. though i believe that you've accpeted the fact that cham's with another guy and she's happy, you're still hurting from it. i understand that accpetance doesn't guarantee the heart a break from pain. and i know you want to keep her around as a friend, but from where i'm standing, its not very healthy for you. you won't be able to look at anyone else and even if you do find someone, you know inside that its still going to be cham. c'mon, have some courage to say goodbye to a good friend. i know you don't want to. i don't want to either. but i think you can't move on if she's still in your life. ofcourse walking away from her would mean drifting away from friends. think about it. you can only hurt so much. having said that, i'm actually proud that you managed to keep it together and endure this much pain, especially now that she's very close to you. you really are strong. but strength, like any other thing in this world, has its limit.
6) have patience - now you've bumped into some people who think you don't have this. take it to consideration. maybe they're right. afterall, when you feel like unleashing hell upon the world because of some lame-ass who ruined your day, you can always write it here.
7) trust people - i know this is hard for you, but you have to. you've been robbed 11k of your hard-earned money by some pathetic asshole ex-con, and looks like your highschool teacher wouldn't be paying you the 2k she borrowed anytime soon, but you should trust people still. not everyone are like them. not everyone are liars.
8) have reality checks every now and then - reflect on how you've lived you life. how you spent the day or the week, and promise to do better. do it at least once, even for an hour or so.
rough start for the year, actually, hope things will get better soon.
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